Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
