I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
