I'm so fucking centered right now
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
