whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
