remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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