Don't EVER smell your tampon
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
