I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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