I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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