I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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