my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
