Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
