I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Randomize
