That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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