I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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