just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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