he wants to bone in the snuggie
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
