So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Congratulations! We have a period
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
