No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
