I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
