He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
