If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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