I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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