so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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