Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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