Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
