I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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