just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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