I got chris browned last night
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
