"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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