I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
