i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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