so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
my liver is dry heaving
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
