I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize