Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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