He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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