And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
