Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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