Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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