he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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