dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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