honey bunches of taint.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
