WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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