make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
