Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME