I'm an idiot
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
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He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
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Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.