He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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