I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
