you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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