I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is Oprah even human
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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