ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
