i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
