She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
