I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
People in love make me want to vomit
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
