I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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