Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
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