he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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