It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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