Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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