That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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