They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
