i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
