hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
