You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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