I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You have to summon your inner elephant
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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