we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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