Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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