the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Pants are for mortals
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
