don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
