Im at strip club and am horny
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
