am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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