Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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