oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
