I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
