The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You brought string cheese to the strip club
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
