weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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