I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We're too hungover to prance.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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