That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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