there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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