New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
