Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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