My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
