you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
