hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
