12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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