Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
