She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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